G- going under the knives Part I

As far as I can recollect, I had heard this phrase for the first time used for heroines who added to their beauty surgically. No.. no.. this post isn’t about them but it’s about me.. as usual..😎 I wanted to write this since last year, now before you assume that I also followed the path of our heroines to enhance my beauty 😉 let me tell you the real stuff, it was when I underwent a “LAPAROSCOPIC SURGERY FOR DERMOID OVARIAN CYST”. Whoaaaaa… sounds like an alien nomenclature and way too clinical… okay… let me simplify this for you. Last year at this same time when I was happily enjoying my stay at home and was gearing up to join a new company, I was diagnosed with a huge cyst in one of my ovaries which required me to undergo an emergency surgery.

I’m clueless as from where to start and what all to write. This post is going to be the journey of my past one year (and hence a lengthy one) when life took a strange and tough turn for me. This one year was difficult, tough but at the same time I was also blessed. This post is about all those experiences which still feel like yesterday. It is a reminder and lesson to me that-

  • whatever happens, it happens for good
  • you can never go as planned in your life
  • you will find real people during your worst time
  • no matter what comes your way, your parents will alwaysssssssssssssssssssssss stand by you, so never hurt, ignore or disrespect them
  • you cannot have everything you wish in your life, because may be something better is destined for you
  • your health matters… never ever ignore it

So shall we proceed…

It all started last year in August 2015 when all of a sudden during the long weekend of Independence day I got abdomen pain on right hand side. My school friend had visited me and the pain was so severe and disturbing that I wasn’t able to focus anywhere. I took a normal pain killer and tried changing positions while lying down on bed so that the pain gets subsided. I was doing okay that evening but it started again the next day and I had to speak to my Gynaec friend who advised me to go for a whole abdomen scan. The results felt not so good to me. My report read having small follicles in ovaries and suggested PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I was disappointed and heartbroken. I had never ever even in my wildest dreams had thought that I’ll have something like this. I had seen couple of my friends having PCOS but I… how can I have this? This is what kept coming in my mind. I googled about it and found not so convincing results. My gynaec friend saw the report and asked not to worry as the follicles were very small. Till then I had never worried about my health. I had always been careless about myself. My own words flashed immediately in my mind where I would carelessly tell my friends, “I don’t get fever and cold so easily or any other disease for that matter. If ever I will fall sick that would be something serious.. something big…” and who knew that my own words will become reality one day. And there I was sitting in my room all alone with my medical reports in my hand. I didn’t tell anybody about this, not even my parents.

Days passed and I brought some changes in my daily routine. I started getting up early and would go on jog and exercise in the nearby park to keep myself active. I felt good. The park was just behind my house and I had never entered its periphery. Mornings became good, I found time for myself, got to feel the cool breeze and hear the melodies of chirping birds. Saw several couples coming together for jogging. It was a heavenly feeling when I used to finish 4-5 rounds of that big park and then do some stretching. It gave a feeling of self-satisfaction which resulted in motivation and confidence of a strange sort. I felt good about my surrounding, about my own self. It was after 1.5 months that lil pain emerged again just before 2-3 days I was supposed to leave the city but it got subsided automatically.

Sept 30, 2015 was the day, I left the capital city and moved to my home town to enjoy the time before joining the new company; and Oct 2, 2015 was the day when that excruciating pain started which changed my life. Till afternoon when pain didn’t subside even after having pain killers, my parents rushed me to hospital. I was injected some pain killer and was under observation in Emergency Department. Pain killer had its effect for some time and we were back to home. But again went to see a gynaec in the evening; where she prescribed for an Ultrasound after seeing my first report (which I had hid from my parents and ultimately told) where there was nothing significant. As it was a National Holiday, none of the diagnostic centers were open. I had to bear the pain till next day. I had not eaten anything throughout the day but as there was very little pain in evening I was feeling better and ate little bit for dinner; without having any clue that what the next day is going to hold for me.

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a lazy sunday…

It’s been a while since i had spent a lazy, cozy sunday with my sister. I was at home this sunday and didn’t go out anywhere like usual, neither with my girl friends nor with Pochu. My SIL had visited me last friday and she left this morning. This weekend was completely a girly-girly stuff. We had fun, I tried my hands on cooking and made some new stuffs which fortunately turned out good, watched some wedding videos on youtube and tried getting some ideas for my wedding 😉

Talking about cooking, I made cooker cake on friday and it was good, now this is based on my sister and SIL’s feedback which made me to believe 😉

I made masala dosa and egg dosa for breakfast 🙂 This was my second attempt which really turned out to be good. At least I was happy with its uniform round size and taste and so were my Sister and SIL. It was difficult to make the dosa at first but gradually with every dosa I improved 🙂 🙂

Here’s a look of my dosa and cake:

screenshot_2016-09-25-17-07-14-985  img_20160923_222607

It was almost 9 years back during my graduation days when I had tried making dosa but failed miserably. While spreading the first scoop of batter I knew it’s not gonna work and it didn’t and later I never attempted to do that again. But this time I was determined and it worked out thus saving my life and image in front of my SIL 😉

This sunday is also good because after so long I’ve logged in to wordpress from my lappy; otherwise I used to write on my lappy and transfer it to my phone and then post it via the wordpress app. So when I tried logging in I didn’t even know the password, but thankfully system did and I successfully landed in my place.Thank you Technology 🙂 It felt new, seeing my posts, the menu, reader, settings… aaaaah!! what a satisfying feeling 🙂

As I’m lazying around in bed and writing this, my sister is preparing something in kitchen. A quick snack as we didn’t have our lunch. So I think I should better get up and see what’s happening…

So…how has your sunday been? Do let me know 🙂

F: Finding the equilibrium

Life is beautiful. It’s not that complicated as we think or as we make it. Rules of life are simple. It’s only we who complicate it. It feels so good when you talk to people without any ill intention or without having any grudges at back of your mind. It is easy to be yourself and talk freely. It gives you a sense of satisfaction, happiness. You are at peace with yourself. There are several relationships in our lives which we think are complicated and cannot be handled with ease. One of them is our relationship with our “in-laws”.  We, as girls, are really scared even to think of this relationship. But it exist and cannot be shunned. So no matter what, we have to face it.

I was apprehensive at first as how Pochu’s family gonna react to our relationship and how they gonna accept me, who doesn’t even belong to their community. But I found them very receptive and assertive. Though there is communication gap between me and my MIL but we somehow manage it. It’s her birthday today and I called her. I could sense happiness in her voice. I love it when at the end of every call she showers me with lot of blessings and not just me now even for my sister who lives with me.  I still have to work out for these new relationships with have come my way.

It feels good when you talk without any inhibitions, without any worries. With every passing day, I’m reminded of days left in my hand for wedding. There is apprehension, there is dilemma, there are insecurities, there are a lot of work to do not just for wedding but also to keep it going. It’s all about finding the right equilibrium in your life and maintaining the same with never ending enthusiasm and strength. There will be household work, my professional life, my husband, new family members and friends, my family and friends, burden of starting family, managing at both ends- personal and professional but amongst all these I gotta manage everything. It sounds hectic and undoable but what is life without challenges.☺

E- Evening of destruction

By this time I believe everyone is well aware of what has happened in Chennai and Bangalore in past couple of days. People of two Indian States have been fighting for Cauvery river water; cursing and verbalizing shitty things about each other; vandalism and destruction has prevailed; economy has experienced loss worth thousands of crores; some unfortunate souls even lost their lives… and that too just for water! I’m not here to preach anyone; neither to justify anyone’s deeds but only to express my experience and disappointment. My only question- was it worth it? Was it justified to-

  • Adopt vandalistic approach to resolve the issue
  • Set ablaze vehicles
  • Beat people of either states for no sin of their’s
  • Destruct shops, create havoc
  • Disturb cities and stop transportation between two states
  • Speak and spread negativity

It doesn’t matter who initiated this destruction; at this point all that matters is- it disturbed two states, doing all these didn’t solve the issue. I was exasperated by seeing how people were attempting to burn the trucks, buses, vehicles and shops; how they united to turn an Innova car upside down and later put that on fire; how hundreds of buses were set on fire; people were found throwing stones on shops and breaking glasses; damaging everything what came their way… and yet no sign of repentance or remorse on their faces. They were united to destruct; they were united for vandalism… the only thing which came to my mind was- why can’t they get united for a good cause. You won’t find such unity when it comes to save lives during road rages, accidents, rape cases.. why.. why are we like this? Why do we get pleasure in destruction, vandalism? It was indeed very disturbing to see such criminal acts. There was no one to stop them.. They did whatever they wanted. Section 144 and Curfew was imposed in Bangalore. Most of the offices, schools and colleges were shut yesterday. I was disheartened to learn about the extent of destruction happened in past two-three days and was thinking as who is going to pay for all these? Who’s going to compensate for damage occurred to public properties. Who’s going to punish this mob? Is there any law and order? Why can’t we come up with some really very strict action plan for such activities?

Thankfully, situation and life has gained normalcy and we are back to routine but still the fear exists and we are expecting something similar in near future as Supreme Court will give another verdict tomorrow. Fingers crossed!!!! May god bless people with some brain!

D- Doing it again

Why writing comes in your mind only when you are contemplating or sulking? It happens with me. I tend towards writing during such phases where I don’t find any other medium to express myself. Writing comes automatically to me in such cases.

Yesterday while checking stalking people’s profiles and lives on Facebook, I came across with lot of news updates about their wives, husbands, babies, Teej festival, Ganesh Chaturthi Pooja. Some of my Post Graduation friends had sent their Teej pictures of the pooja, mehendi and their husbands and families. Some were celebrating their first Teej and for some it was 2nd-3rd event. Those pictures compelled me to rewind life almost 5 years back and see what had happened with all of us. How we were just like any other girl, ferrying between college to hostel, to coffee shops, canteen, library; had our share of hardships, break ups and finally settling down in an arranged marriage setup, having kids and celebrating these festivals and not to forget posting all updates on Facebook. Today if you check anyone’s profile on Facebook, you can have a fair idea of years gone by and various events/occasions of their lives.

At my age, I can see almost all my girl-friends married and blessed with at least a kid and even guys have started getting married. No…I’m not that old… I’m just 28 and still fall into that so called marriageable age… but what I intend here by stating that is I learn… I learn by seeing my married friends and to some extent I’m glad that I got to live my life my way. I agree, husbands are important too, their love, care, sharing etc etc etc…. everything is cool and acceptable. But, to some extent, all of us need to have that ME TIME. I’m happy that I and Pochu are on same page in some aspects and thoughts. We both have spent considerable time alone, love our “ME TIME” and understand that we need to give each other space and allow to spend some time with self which is also very important.

Life and time seems to be running when I see my friends getting married and having kids. 5 years seems to be a long time which had approx. 1825 days, 109500 hours, 6570000 minutes. Are these just numbers or do they hold some importance? Looking at numbers, it’s been 7 months of my relationship with Pochu, things went really fast with him; next month it will be a year of my surgery; in two months I will complete one year of my work with my present company. Life… it is fast paced, running, time waits for no one. Things change, people come and go but time waits for no one. It has replacement for everything and almost everyone. Though few are irreplaceable but time heals the wounds. This is what I have learnt so far in my 28 years of life. Things seem difficult first but they ultimately fall in place. So I would say with my experience that let’s not lose hope and look forward to what’s in store for us in future.

PS- Had volunteered to participate in Pepper’s Blog Marathon but somehow couldn’t make it. Had taken it up last year  and the lazy me couldn’t even complete 5 posts.. but here I am with positive intention of completing it at least by this year end… seems to be a real blog marathon 😉😉 wish me luck.. 😃

The Countdown has begun…

​Tick-tock-tick-tock… this is what is happening inside me! I’m just 3.5 months away from my wedding and have no clue as what should I be doing, what preparations for my clothes, accessories and looks should be done! I need a magic wand…!!!!

The big task i.e. the booking of venue is being done by my parents! Now that’s a relief… major concerns are- Caterer, my dresses, photographer, mehendi, parlour! Responsibility of Caterer will be taken care by my parents.. so that’s not a big issue. But rest of them… I’m in a no mood to experiment! Though I’m not a “wedding-is-my-only-dream” or “i-want-a-fairy-style-wedding” girl… but ever since I attended my Maternal Uncle’s wedding way back in 2001, I had thought of how I can make the wedding (of my next Uncle/Cousins) totally personalized and amazing. So my thought process always revolved around- AWESOME MUSIC for every function- mehendi, sangeet, wedding, vidaayi, reception etc; MEHENDI, PHOTOGRAPHY! Since I couldn’t get to do any one of such things in any of the weddings, so I’m gonna do all these in my wedding! I really-really wanna get clicked in best possible ways (I’ve been following and saving links of wedding photographers and their work and love their candid photography), want best mehendi and get the wedding environment go live and crazy through my awesome wedding playlist. Now is that too much to ask for 😉

At the moment I’ve concerned about-

Dresses & Accessories– Most importantly my Lehenga L since I’m in Bangalore and I have no idea about Bangalore market; I’m really getting heart aches as where to go for shopping. Had I been in my home town or Delhi, I wouldn’t have bothered much. If I don’t get anything here, I gotta travel back to home; which requires leaves and time… which again I don’t have in hand right now L I don’t want too expensive and heavy lehenga as that won’t be seeing the light of the day after wedding which is a usual destiny of all wedding lehengas! So I want something which is easy on my pocket and looks good too! Should I search in Bangalore first and if I don’t get anything I should make a visit to home?

Accessories are not much of concern because this can be done in one-two days!! And I know where to get what… So that’s sorted 😃

Make-Up: Now this again is an area of concern as during your wedding not just the attire but your make-up also plays vital role. I don’t wanna go for trial and error method. I really need to find and book ASAP a parlour and get the trial make-up done. I need to visit my home city… but when…!!!!! 😞

Any tips and ideas for shopping in Bangalore for lehengas and sarees, photoshoot ideas are most welcomed…🤗

Those 5 years

​It’s been exactly 5 years since I started working. I can still recall what exactly I was doing sitting in office at this time- struggling with bulky files given and trying to figure out what data I’m supposed to pick up. The naïve me! While I was getting ready for office this morning, 5 years old morning in Chennai flashed in front of my eyes. I was in local train in early morning hours. When I reached final stop, I waited for office bus to arrive but to my dismay I couldn’t see any bus coming and neither any staff standing. I took an auto and headed towards my destination. After few minutes, I saw my office bus overtaking my auto! Finally I reached office and was welcomed by Boss and other colleagues. I was given bulky files to go through and work on them and that’s how my day started. Those were days when I wasn’t cooking at home with my friends because we didn’t have any LPG connection. I had to be dependent on office canteen. As you can expect, the food there was horrible. I couldn’t find anything eatable but managed to survive till one month on curd-rice, sambhar-rice and bread-omelet.  I used to love curd-rice during college days but after that one month’s horrifying experience, I’ve not touched curd-rice again till date. We managed to get LPG connection after one month and celebrated our freedom of eating at home! It was a tough time as we were not able to find any North Indian food joint nearby our office or home. We had to be dependent on outside hotels, restaurants and mess which primarily served South Indian food. I’ll never ever forget those days! They taught us a lot… hardships, struggle, friendship, standing for your friends, value of money, savings, home-made food, happiness even in limited resources.

It’s worth a mention that those were days when not all four of us had regular jobs. We faced difficult times too. I worked for my company without any pay for 1.5 months because the girl who joined before me disappeared randomly and this time they didn’t want to take any chance hence this was the condition which I accepted because I wanted a job with this good company. While I was struggling my other three friends supported me emotionally as well as financially. Things improved later on and I started getting my salary. One by one two of my friends lost their jobs and were really shattered not just on professional front but also at personal level. We all four again stood rock solid with each other. We supported each other in all possible ways. Those were times when we were really happy even after facing such difficult times and without much amenities. We used to cook a lot, talk till late night, dance, have fun, go shopping- which usually was grocery shopping, movies with other friends and come back walking on empty Chennai roads in late hours (now that’s something I missed doing in other cities I lived). We never cribbed that we don’t have that fancy job and salary package but we were happy and that I feel was enough to get us going. I still strongly feel that that was the best phase of life in terms of everything. The real happiness!!

Today we earn well, are settled respectively in our lives; moved to different cities and two of my friends have moved to Bangalore. Life has moved on and so have we. When I look back, I see a lot has happened since then. I’ve changed, my surrounding, friends, family and my life has changed drastically. Few people who were strength and life support are not in my life anymore and I’m still surviving without them. That means that life never stops for anyone. We feel that we can’t live without anyone- our parents, siblings, boy/girlfriend, husband, wife, kids, friends etc. but life teaches you everything. It’s up to us whether we choose to move on or cling on their memories and get stuck in past. When I lost my ex and one of my very-very close friends, life seemed stand still. But I had to move on; I had no option left with me. It was hard, very difficult but somehow everything fell in place; from professional to personal life. Touchwood! I don’t say that everything is perfect but what I see now is better than before. I had my own level of hardships, lessons, struggle and that made me what I am today. Though not very proud but not disappointed as well.

A quick rewind of past five years-

– Came back to Chennai exactly after a month of leaving it permanently

– Got my first job with a very reputed company

– Struggled, learnt and managed my life at personal and professional level

– Started full time cooking

– Had the best relationship phase with my Ex

– Spoke to parents about our relationship, parents spoke to each other

– Hated Chennai like anything

– Tried moving to city where my Ex was but all in vain

– Had an ON/OFF relationship with my Ex

– We broke up as things didn’t work out between families

– Left Chennai permanently

– Was jobless for 4-5 months

– Moved to Bangalore for a temporary job and spent every quarter of that year in three different cities

– Travelled to new cities for job interviews via every possible mode of transportation- buses, trains, flights

– Had amazing time with friends- Pochu and my girls gang

– Met guys with wedding prospect- some rejected me and I rejected many

– Finally got job in Capital city where I dreaded to go, as my ex was there

– Met my old school friends

– Was betrayed by one of my very close friends and chose not to be in touch

– Travelled to new cities for work related things

– Learnt new dimensions, domain of my work

– Met a lot of new people

– Tried hard to come back to Bangalore

– Attended my best friend and close friend’s wedding

– Got job in Bangalore

– Underwent a life-threatening emergency surgery on the way when I was supposed to travel to Bangalore from my home. On 4-5 weeks of medical leave with no job in hand, later my current company agreed to wait till my recovery

– Spent Diwali with my family after 5-6 years

– Back to Bangalore and resumed work

– Found Love again, Pochu came into my life; both set of Parents agreed

– Got engaged

Phewwwwwwwwww…… So this has been my life in past five years in nutshell !!
Still need to go a long way but these 5 years have been amazing and I’m glad that I was able enough to pick up my shattered pieces and move on.