Music and Memories- II

​“Chalo Jane do.. ab chhodo bhi.. itna bhi kya gussa karna..kuch apni kaho, kuch meri suno.. yuh chup-chup reh kar di hi dil mein kya kudhna…”


While watching this movie yesterday with Pochu, I was reminded of this song all of a sudden. This song is from the Bollywood movie “Bhootnath”. It’s a very sweet and emotional song sung by Mr. Amitabh Bachchan and Juhi Chawla. A cute song which never fails to melt my heart every time I listen to it. Not just because of memories associated with it but also because of its lyrics; they are just mesmerizing. It’s set in the backdrop of a cute lil boy who’s upset and the ghost in the movie, played by Mr. Bachchan, sings this song to pacify him. One can easily fall for this one sentence in the song-

“tum hi mujhse rooth gae toh kisse baat karun main…jee utha hun main tum se mil ke, tum jo ho toh hun main…mujhse iss pal ho muh phere, fir bhi ho tum mere…”

It conveys so much… the importance of your loved ones, the centricity they hold in your life. Life almost stands still if they are upset or are angry with you. Their smile, their happiness means so much to you. That one moment when they are upset and you are willing to do anything for their smile to come back, for them to come back to their normal self. When you try so hard to understand the reason behind their sadness and anger. All these are in these beautiful lyrics. A very close friend of mine used to sing this for me whenever I was upset or angry. That beautiful voice has come alive since yesterday.​

Music and Memories- I

“In dino dil mera mujhse hai keh raha… tu khwab saja… tu jee le zara…hai tujhe bhi ijajat… kar le tu bhi mohabbat…”
A famous song from the Bollywood movie “Life in a Metro”. This track is on my repeat since forenoon. Since morning I’ve been listening so many old songs, not so old but yes, they transported me back to good old time. With every song, lot of memories flashed back. Listening songs were then and even now are a must in any situation. They are remedy to any problem, best friend when no one is around, when I want to escape everything and everyone, words to my unsaid emotions and feelings. I’ve read somewhere that “when we are happy we enjoy the music, it’s only when we are sad, we understand the lyrics”; that’s so true. Now that we are talking music, songs and memories, I would love to reminisce moments associated with songs I’ve grown listening.

“Life in a Metro” is a Bollywood movie which came in May 2007. An year which witnessed some of my life changing/altering decisions. I still remember when I had heard this song. I was in second year of my Graduation. I was attending some coaching classes on programming languages with some of my classmates after college. We had gone to a cyber-café to get some assignment prints and there it was… this song was playing in full volume. It was raining outside, it was dark, cloudy and this romantic track. What else you need to enjoy a perfect rainy day. I instantly fell for this song. Didn’t know the name of the movie; somehow found the name of movie and song. Those were days when I didn’t have a cellphone; there was one, but at home. We used to either download songs from that famous site ;), burn it in a CD/DVD, come home save it on PC and then listen; or buy the MP3 CD from local CD shops or borrow from some friends. I don’t remember which one of the mediums I chose to get this song but I eventually had it in my huge songs collection.

Whenever, I listen this song with full attention (not just the music but lyrics as well ;)), I remember that rainy evening and lot other memories come alive. That was the time when I just not only used to listen songs, but I lived and grew with them as well. Loads and loads of songs now come and go but not much of them leave any impact on me and life because I’ve stopped connecting them with my life. That magic and charm of living with them has gone… I listen songs even today and I’m still as crazy as I was before but I find something amiss… All I can say in terms of listening and living songs is… “koi lauta de mere beete hue din…”

a lazy sunday…

It’s been a while since i had spent a lazy, cozy sunday with my sister. I was at home this sunday and didn’t go out anywhere like usual, neither with my girl friends nor with Pochu. My SIL had visited me last friday and she left this morning. This weekend was completely a girly-girly stuff. We had fun, I tried my hands on cooking and made some new stuffs which fortunately turned out good, watched some wedding videos on youtube and tried getting some ideas for my wedding 😉

Talking about cooking, I made cooker cake on friday and it was good, now this is based on my sister and SIL’s feedback which made me to believe 😉

I made masala dosa and egg dosa for breakfast 🙂 This was my second attempt which really turned out to be good. At least I was happy with its uniform round size and taste and so were my Sister and SIL. It was difficult to make the dosa at first but gradually with every dosa I improved 🙂 🙂

Here’s a look of my dosa and cake:

screenshot_2016-09-25-17-07-14-985  img_20160923_222607

It was almost 9 years back during my graduation days when I had tried making dosa but failed miserably. While spreading the first scoop of batter I knew it’s not gonna work and it didn’t and later I never attempted to do that again. But this time I was determined and it worked out thus saving my life and image in front of my SIL 😉

This sunday is also good because after so long I’ve logged in to wordpress from my lappy; otherwise I used to write on my lappy and transfer it to my phone and then post it via the wordpress app. So when I tried logging in I didn’t even know the password, but thankfully system did and I successfully landed in my place.Thank you Technology 🙂 It felt new, seeing my posts, the menu, reader, settings… aaaaah!! what a satisfying feeling 🙂

As I’m lazying around in bed and writing this, my sister is preparing something in kitchen. A quick snack as we didn’t have our lunch. So I think I should better get up and see what’s happening…

So…how has your sunday been? Do let me know 🙂

Those 5 years

​It’s been exactly 5 years since I started working. I can still recall what exactly I was doing sitting in office at this time- struggling with bulky files given and trying to figure out what data I’m supposed to pick up. The naïve me! While I was getting ready for office this morning, 5 years old morning in Chennai flashed in front of my eyes. I was in local train in early morning hours. When I reached final stop, I waited for office bus to arrive but to my dismay I couldn’t see any bus coming and neither any staff standing. I took an auto and headed towards my destination. After few minutes, I saw my office bus overtaking my auto! Finally I reached office and was welcomed by Boss and other colleagues. I was given bulky files to go through and work on them and that’s how my day started. Those were days when I wasn’t cooking at home with my friends because we didn’t have any LPG connection. I had to be dependent on office canteen. As you can expect, the food there was horrible. I couldn’t find anything eatable but managed to survive till one month on curd-rice, sambhar-rice and bread-omelet.  I used to love curd-rice during college days but after that one month’s horrifying experience, I’ve not touched curd-rice again till date. We managed to get LPG connection after one month and celebrated our freedom of eating at home! It was a tough time as we were not able to find any North Indian food joint nearby our office or home. We had to be dependent on outside hotels, restaurants and mess which primarily served South Indian food. I’ll never ever forget those days! They taught us a lot… hardships, struggle, friendship, standing for your friends, value of money, savings, home-made food, happiness even in limited resources.

It’s worth a mention that those were days when not all four of us had regular jobs. We faced difficult times too. I worked for my company without any pay for 1.5 months because the girl who joined before me disappeared randomly and this time they didn’t want to take any chance hence this was the condition which I accepted because I wanted a job with this good company. While I was struggling my other three friends supported me emotionally as well as financially. Things improved later on and I started getting my salary. One by one two of my friends lost their jobs and were really shattered not just on professional front but also at personal level. We all four again stood rock solid with each other. We supported each other in all possible ways. Those were times when we were really happy even after facing such difficult times and without much amenities. We used to cook a lot, talk till late night, dance, have fun, go shopping- which usually was grocery shopping, movies with other friends and come back walking on empty Chennai roads in late hours (now that’s something I missed doing in other cities I lived). We never cribbed that we don’t have that fancy job and salary package but we were happy and that I feel was enough to get us going. I still strongly feel that that was the best phase of life in terms of everything. The real happiness!!

Today we earn well, are settled respectively in our lives; moved to different cities and two of my friends have moved to Bangalore. Life has moved on and so have we. When I look back, I see a lot has happened since then. I’ve changed, my surrounding, friends, family and my life has changed drastically. Few people who were strength and life support are not in my life anymore and I’m still surviving without them. That means that life never stops for anyone. We feel that we can’t live without anyone- our parents, siblings, boy/girlfriend, husband, wife, kids, friends etc. but life teaches you everything. It’s up to us whether we choose to move on or cling on their memories and get stuck in past. When I lost my ex and one of my very-very close friends, life seemed stand still. But I had to move on; I had no option left with me. It was hard, very difficult but somehow everything fell in place; from professional to personal life. Touchwood! I don’t say that everything is perfect but what I see now is better than before. I had my own level of hardships, lessons, struggle and that made me what I am today. Though not very proud but not disappointed as well.

A quick rewind of past five years-

– Came back to Chennai exactly after a month of leaving it permanently

– Got my first job with a very reputed company

– Struggled, learnt and managed my life at personal and professional level

– Started full time cooking

– Had the best relationship phase with my Ex

– Spoke to parents about our relationship, parents spoke to each other

– Hated Chennai like anything

– Tried moving to city where my Ex was but all in vain

– Had an ON/OFF relationship with my Ex

– We broke up as things didn’t work out between families

– Left Chennai permanently

– Was jobless for 4-5 months

– Moved to Bangalore for a temporary job and spent every quarter of that year in three different cities

– Travelled to new cities for job interviews via every possible mode of transportation- buses, trains, flights

– Had amazing time with friends- Pochu and my girls gang

– Met guys with wedding prospect- some rejected me and I rejected many

– Finally got job in Capital city where I dreaded to go, as my ex was there

– Met my old school friends

– Was betrayed by one of my very close friends and chose not to be in touch

– Travelled to new cities for work related things

– Learnt new dimensions, domain of my work

– Met a lot of new people

– Tried hard to come back to Bangalore

– Attended my best friend and close friend’s wedding

– Got job in Bangalore

– Underwent a life-threatening emergency surgery on the way when I was supposed to travel to Bangalore from my home. On 4-5 weeks of medical leave with no job in hand, later my current company agreed to wait till my recovery

– Spent Diwali with my family after 5-6 years

– Back to Bangalore and resumed work

– Found Love again, Pochu came into my life; both set of Parents agreed

– Got engaged

Phewwwwwwwwww…… So this has been my life in past five years in nutshell !!
Still need to go a long way but these 5 years have been amazing and I’m glad that I was able enough to pick up my shattered pieces and move on.

The Evening Silence

“  bikhri-bikhri si julfein hain kyun..

khoyi-khoyi si aankhein hain kyun… 

ghum ka ye pal guzar jaega… 

fir koi humsafar aaega…”

– from the movie What’s Your Rashee

A soothing vocal with heart touching music and lyrics playing in background; adding grace to the silence which I’ve chosen to spend my evening with. Once I’m back from office, it’s usually only me and my loneliness. The only companion I’ve after I enter my house is my T.V. and FM radio. They not just entertain me but also make me lethargic. Once I get refreshed, I make myself a cup of tea, grab some snacks and quickly slip into my blanket with TV remote and phone. After spending some lazy moments, I force myself after an hour or so to get up and cook something for dinner and the lazy me (courtesy Bangalore weather) keeps procrastinating. All my determination and plan to cook healthy and nice dinner and then sleep early goes in vain. I end up cooking or eating at a time when I should have hit the bed. The ideal eating and sleeping pattern goes for a toss. I get frustrated and really count no. of hours I will be sleeping when I go to bed between 00:00-01:00 hours!!😣😴

For a change, today I really started cooking at odd hours of evening, i.e. 19:00 hours which generally used to be Tea-time!! Well, that’s how maverick I am. I surprise myself to at times! One of my colleagues had told me once that I’ve bi-polar personality traits!! And his conclusion was based on my frequent mood swings, easy irritability etc. etc. how absurd was that!! 😎

I came late today from office, courtesy the last day of monthly data submission which made last minute following up with few pending departments to send their data so that I can collate and send them to my Central Team.  Was stuck in office till 18:45 hours and then finally called it a day. While I reached my house, I chose not to switch on TV or FM Radio which on most of the evenings I used to do. It was a house with complete silence. Something incited me to start cooking for an early dinner. And thankfully I heard the voice and not my monkey mind which always discourages and procrastinates my plans. And so that’s how I cooked and had an early dinner and how I found some time to write this post! I felt happy! I felt good after doing this! 😃

It’s a random post!! Random words!!🤗

A step to a new beginning

It’s been almost a week since I celebrated our relationship with our families. Yes! We exchanged rings last Sunday i.e. July 24, 2016 in our most beloved city, a city where we spent most amazing period of our lives (of course separately), a city which I love the most, a city where we first met and now became “life partners from being just friends”. What an amazing journey of life!

I still can’t believe that exactly a week back at this time I was on the way to our city with my family, with a lot of nervousness, enthusiasm, happiness, apprehensions and what not. I was in city after almost a year and felt that nothing has changed since my last visit. Pochu had already flown to the city and was thoroughly enjoying with his friends.

I didn’t care much about anything; but as the day progressed and Saturday evening started approaching night, my nervousness and apprehensions also started building up. I rang up Pochu and spoke to my heart’s content. He asked me, “are you nervous?” and I responded, “not yet!! May be tomorrow when I will see all our families, relatives and a lot of crowd!”.

The next morning when I reached to Parlor to get ready, it was then that I finally realized that yes, something big is going to happen. I was super apprehensive and nervous about my looks and attire. I had never been so dressed up before. The heavy make-up, saree, jewelries, bunches of hair-pins tucked in my head were making me go crazy and adding fuel to fire was the sultry weather and constant calls from my father to come soon to the venue as Pochu’s family had already arrived and were all eagerly waiting for me to come. It was a tiresome exercise to sit in the car after coming down from parlor, I was clueless as how should I place myself in car without damaging my saree. The sweet noise of bangles were also making me nervous. Finally with lot of efforts I managed to sit in the car and headed to the venue.

 

My brother was supposed to receive me at the venue and take me upstairs to the room as allotted. The moment he saw me, he gave a teasing look and comment which added to my nervousness… these kiddos!!! 😞 My Mother-in-law soon arrived and took me to the function hall. With every step, my heart was beating fast, and as soon as I reached the doorstep of the hall, I saw huge crowd sitting and every head turned towards me and gave smile. I was super nervous L. I was trying looking for Pochu. And when I found him I couldn’t gave a direct look as everybody was looking at me. My MIL introduced me to her side of family members and finally I was made to sit.

After lil chit-chat with relatives and friends, the rituals started. First some rituals were performed with him and then me and later with both of us. While he was sitting and performing rituals, every moment we spent together was flashing in front of my eyes. From back to back movies to roaming around, to teasing and listening to each other’s crap to his proposal and finally sitting in this hall.

While we completed our rituals together and were thinking what next… all of a sudden the Pundit Ji asked us to exchange rings! And that’s it!! I froze!! I couldn’t believe that this will happen so soon and abruptly. But it happened and was the most beautiful moment. Everybody around us came closer and started capturing those beautiful moments which again made me go nervous. I had never experienced such attention except my Training Classes 😉

And finally… we were engaged! We became one!

The most important thing for me was that my whole family was very happy and content. Not just my parents and siblings but also my extended family. And so was his family. My Mom met him for the first time and I’m glad that she liked him.

Thankkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk you God!! A bigggggggggggggggggggg thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu for everything😘

After we came back, the first thing on our minds was to catch up. He came to meet me the very next day he reached Bangalore and the moment I was him from a distance, I felt so content and happy. When I reached to him and held his hand, it was completely a different experience. It was more rightful, it was more authoritative, it was more complete. Actually I can’t really explain the feeling but it just felt awesomeeeeeeee!

Thank you almighty for your blessings!

Random Musings

Life is so uncertain, undetermined. It’s like a river which will keep flowing but you really can’t predict or determine its way. On its way it takes you to different paths and directions giving you all sorts of experiences. It’s so strange when you get what you were longing for and then you ask yourself- what next? With Pochu coming in my life and now finally settling down with him, the inner self asks me- what next? Touchwood for everything good now happening in my life… I’m at a comfortable and content stage of my life, settled professionally in a city of my choice, marrying a person whom I wanted; parents are finally content on my part. What else one could wish for… but still this is not the end of my chase, my journey. Need to identify a new chase, a new goal. A new life is waiting with its arms wide open. A new set of parents, a new family and loads of responsibilities. It might seem very normal to anyone reading this or anyone else, but it’s really a life stirring experience for anyone experiencing it for the first time.

Wedding comes with its own share of new experiences, responsibilities, teachings. Spending your whole life with a new person, yes, a new person; it doesn’t matter if you have known that person before, but knowing the person inside out and then living with the same person 24/7 is completely new and different experience. We both know each other from almost 7 years now. But it’s this time that we have really started knowing and “understanding” each other. We had and still have disagreements, fights, arguments, but at the end of it, it really helps both of us in exploring each other. Our relationship will become official in a matter of 23 days and I really can’t think of it. How life is going to change, how I’m gonna face my parents standing beside him, his family, our extended families. It will be normal and regular phenomena for them but for us it’s a life changing occasion.

Does this really happen? Does wedding makes you more responsible? It has happened, I’ve experienced it. When I skip my meals, I don’t bother about it much but when he does the same, I become a different person, interrogating and reprimanding him. When you have someone in your life and importantly when you are very sure about him/her, it does changes you for good J With a bitter experience in past, when I see my parents accepting Pochu and his family whole heartedly, I feel on top of this world, I feel so content and happy. This happiness can’t be compared to the happiness what I had with my ex. It’s an altogether different feeling. I’m feeling guilty, I keep mentioning and comparing my happiness with my past which I really shouldn’t do. There is no comparison, that was a phase of my life where that happiness was different and my present happiness is different. I do understand this fact, but unknowingly, I end up mentioning about it which I as well as my mom and friends feel, is really wrong. I think I should strictly stop doing this to secure and save my present and future from the dark shadows of my past.