June 1, 2022, 14:21 PM Bangalore
Pochu- Husband, Gubbu- 34.5 months old Daughter
Change is inevitable, Change is the only constant thing… We keep hearing such quotes and use them time and again sometimes to pacify others and to us. But how difficult it is to accept any change in our lives and act accordingly.
Recently I shifted from rented house to my own apartment and the change it has brought is creating havoc. Life is not seamless and normal if I can tell; and this change is just disturbing me. Mom went last Sunday and Gubbu acted super weird and aggressive yesterday. She wasn’t eating anything, was hitting the babysitter, throwing tantrums and what not. I was monitoring her via CCTV and was feeling angry, anxious, helpless and what not. She was giving tough time to the babysitter who was trying hard to feed and play with her. I tried not looking at the CCTV and let the babysitter control her but I couldn’t help myself and kept looking at the CCTV which just filled me with immense anger. I really felt bad that I’m working and not there for my child when she needed me 😦 such is the guilty feeling of a working mother. Now that my new house is almost 28 kms from my hospital I can’t even think of going early and seeing her.
Coming Monday, June 6, 2022 Gubbu will start her school. I’m scared for this change again. I wanted to shift to the new house at least 20 days before her school started but Alas! if only you get to execute your plan. We shifted 10 days before her school and here we are – still unpacking is needed for lot of boxes lying in her room, she’s out of routine, basically she doesn’t have a routine at all, all the activities planned for her have gone for a toss! I feel I’m out of control of her and my life. May sound trivial but it isn’t for a working parent.
We were waiting eagerly for this CHANGE and now it’s discomforting. May it’s a matter of few days and when things get unpacked and everything find a place for themselves, we’ll be at ease and will enjoy the essence and get the feel of our own house. Gubbu has had such kind of aggressive, even worse behavior in past as well but she settled down and because of her even I have had temper but eventually even I settled down once she was fine. So it’s a reminder for myself that THIS SHALL TOO PASS and don’t worry much, don’t be angry, don’t ruin the present with worries, tension and aggression; don’t be mad at Gubbu, Pochu, yourself or situations/conditions, may be they are meant to be this way. Just hang in there, be calm. Everything shall settle down, give it time. Just remember the old times and calm down. By scolding Gubbu, Pochu or self nothing is going to get better rather it will worsen the situation. Take a deep breath and calm down.
Change is good and this one was most awaited!! Remember- you prayed for it. Now accept it and face it.
My friends appreciate me that how I go for work without any saturday off, fixed office hours and then take care of the house and Gubbu. That makes me feel good. Yesterday was a disaster day and one of my friends repeated the same stuff for me which made me happy and motivated me to think positively. There will be some good or bad days for everyone, we just have to be calm, composed and find a way.
There shall always be light at the end of the tunnel.