Confusion

Oct 29, 2020, 12:54 AM

Motherhood.. I don’t know about others but I feel it has made me a bit of weak. I cry almost on super easily seeing any mother/baby in pain, keep thinking about mother and baby for longest hours, don’t have courage to leave my baby and go for work which requires travel, feel guilty about leaving her and going for work when my babysitter is not around, or when I get late, when I attempt to go out and have some “ME TIME” which also includes going to salon for available basic services. the fact is what ever I do some mom-guilt always accompanies me, some of it I try t get rid of but some are very stubborn and don’t go very easily. One such thing is switching my job. I’m working with my current company from last 5 years and in last few months, I’d got some awesome job offers but since they required travel of more than 2 hours, I had to let them go. I got one such great job offer today. Me and Pochu tried all calculations but then my mom-guilt took over very strongly and I’m giving it up in my mind and praying to God that the HR should not call me further. Like really!!!!!!!!!! The opportunity gives me great exposure and learning and job satisfaction, but which also requires undivided attention and long working hours, which I feel I can’t afford to choose. Laddu my almost 16 months daughter needs me more than I need this job. Jobs will come and go and my Laddu will not remain 16 months old always. Courtesy COVID, all day cares and creches are also closed, else the new company would have made provisions for creche/daycare which would have eased my burden. So I guess it’s clear now, only thing I wanna ask God is, why are you sending offers when you know I’m not in a condition to accept them. Even this morning, I had declined the offer of internal transfer to my other sister unit proposed by my Boss, reason remains same. my daughter is my priority.

Dear Laddu, when you grow up plz know whatever you do, be a working woman or a house wife you need to set your priorities and act accordingly.

Wow! I just wrote that wherein I was not feeling it completely. I’m crying inside for both reasons- for letting go of this offer and thought of leaving her and going for work.

I guess, this is Motherhood!!

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