I don’t know why…

This world seems so unreal and fake these days. Everyone is busy with their mobile phones. I feel instead of bringing loved ones closer, it has created a distance. Where ever and whenever you see around yourself, you can find people occupied with their phones.

I’m scared these days. Scared of growing up, scared of these moments, days, weeks, months passing by so quickly and becoming a thing of past. I’m scared of losing these moments with Pochu, this alone time of ours. Tomorrow, we’ll have kids, family, their responsibilities, education, working to get a house, will we lose OUR time? Will we be able to get through all these? With every passing day, I’m falling in love more and more with him, I’m scared of losing you Pochu. Now I feel, why didn’t I find you sooner, why was I wasting my time with someone so wrong? I’m missing our Mysore Trip, that alone and relaxed time of ours. I’m craving for more such trips and time with you and family.

In last few days, when we discussed my work and job, and when you made me realize that where have I reached in terms of my career, we both have same qualification, started working in same year, then why still I’m lagging behind in terms of pay? Why have I still not reached a decent position? You said that once you get little more stabilized, you would probably ask me stop working and start something of my own. That thing has got stuck in my mind. Really!!! That has made me to churn my mind and think; can we afford to do that? Can I do that? What would be the pros and cons of that decision? Even if we decide to take this step, what would be that thing which I will be doing? What am I good at? Will this help us?

From last few days, my brain is reminiscing my childhood days, those carefree, stress free days. I get sad thinking that I can’t get them back, I feel sad with the mere thought as the days are passing, I might not have my loved ones with me for lifetime. My heart aches with this thought but then this is the bitter reality, we can’t help it.

I’m in such a condition right now that I want to seize every moment, I don’t want days to pass by so quickly. I want our parents and family to be us…

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