No PDE Rule- Day 1

Now that i had set a NO PDE (Public Display of Emotions) rule for myself yesterday, i tried to stick to that today. There were few occasions where i felt, i had breached the rule and just to register them in my thoughts, i’m outlining them here:

Breach of Rule: Incident  1: I had a very stressful day since morning. i was all sulked and that was quite evident on my face and through my body language. Reasons were various- was missing him, behaviour and attitude of my boss, client, my stressful job, the unplanned and chaotic plans of execution framed by my boss and many others. There were times when i almost broke down, with tears in eyes, i tried to control my emotions. Couple of colleagues even came to my cubicle asking what had happened to me; which made me to realize that even this is PDE (Public Display of Emotions) which i should avoid.

Incident  2: I’m getting a feel of re-emerging of my sinusitis from previous couple of days which also acted as fuel to fire to my state of being sulky. I wished and vowed not to share this with my boss and manager but, with progressing day and during a chit-chat i happened to tell this to both of them and as expected my boss came up with solutions and medication prescriptions, which i hardly wanted.

So these are the two instance of me breaching the rules. I will try not to repeat them in coming days.

I have also decided:

1. not to take too much of stress pertaining to work related issues, personal life and about HIM

I know, i cant get him back at least in this life, so there is no point thinking about him, but i’m helpless.. 😦 somehow, i have started missing him again.

Also, if you could share your experiences of NO PDE.

I will probably try to catch up some sleep now.

Good Night!

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The lost connections

It’s been 17 months since we ended our 7 years old relationship and with you I’d lost R as well  6 months back. Both of you were pillars of my life, those strong shoulders where every time my broken heart was mended, my tears had got shelter, all my unheard words had got their voices, all my anger was calmed down.. but now since you both had gone, i’m left with this uneasiness in my life, a lacuna, a vacuum, a void…

I had tried to speak my heart out with A yesterday… but like everytime he just withdrew himself. I drew his attention towards this gesture of his casually, and he asked me not to tell anything to him. And here I am.. a silly girl, who wishes to be with him; a person who is not even interested in listening to my words. He is one of my good friends, but his behaviour yesterday just made me to contemplate. Its silly, stupid me. I gotta stop “Public display of my emotions”.

I’m setting a target/rule for myself here on:

1. No PDE (Public Display of Emotions- anger, happiness, sadness to anyone)

and anytime I break this rule, i gotta register that here and try not to repeat that.

I really miss you R & R… no one can fill the void you guys have created in my life. My heart truly aches for you both!

A night with random thoughts

I love to mention about the time, location and surroundings when I’m writing. When I look past, it helps me to recall those moments when I was writing. Sitting on terrace with my lappy, under a minimally visible star studded sky. As its July and there is no symptom of rain anywhere, I’m sweating while writing all these. I’m alone at the moment, but soon I realized that I’m accompanied by a graceful moon who is playing hide and seek with a huge neem tree just in front of me. A silent night making me to realize that it’s been almost 6 months that I haven’t written any post for my blog ever since I shut down my previous virtual space. So this is going to be my first post for this blog. I know as a first entry this will not gain much audience but this writing is for me more than anyone else. It heals me, it revives me. I know I’m sounding selfish but I think I need to be honest, we all need to be honest with it. We write for ourselves, to register our thoughts, to explore ourselves, others, this world. Motives could be different but we write because we want to.